Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
