hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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