So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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