you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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