Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
