hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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