I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
