He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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