Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I enjoy the company of your penis
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
