I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
