Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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