just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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