My sheets look like a crime scene.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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