the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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