I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
