Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
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Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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