Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
porn star boner night. come get it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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