The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize