you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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