We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
