my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
