I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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