wanna go halves on a baby?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
