Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
