I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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