u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
