You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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