i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
