okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
