If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
