i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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