I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
