Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
