Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
