As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
