with your own penis?
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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