upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
did you just send me my own nude
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
