Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
