And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
