I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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