The maid of honor just puked.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
