I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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