TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
