I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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