So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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