Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I could make wine with my vomit
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
