is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
