im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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