brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Panties = found
Randomize
