your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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