How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
