I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
