just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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