I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
