ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
