Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
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I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
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I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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