If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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