I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
