I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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