I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
