so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
