I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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