we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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