i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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