i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
