everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize