I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
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If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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