Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
