Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
