I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
