please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
birth control should be required to get into college
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
