You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
