can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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