her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Randomize
