I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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