If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
