glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
