Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
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It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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