Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
