Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They took my balls.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
